"People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered, forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives, be kind anyway. If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies, succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you, be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight, build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous, be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow, do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough, give the world the best you have anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God, it was never between you and them anyway." -Mother Teresa

"My God, He keeps me all through the night. You don't just hold me, You hold me together."

I could not be any more blessed than I am. I am so very thankful for wonderful friends who support me, a loving family and two very selfless parents who bend over backwards for me, but the thing I am most thankful for is an amazing God and for His forgiveness. Over these past few days I saw just how big, wide, and high my parents' love for me is and how they would do anything for me and through that I got a beautiful glimpse into just how much the Lord loves me.... but more and He already did everything for me. That is captivating.

The Lord has been convicting me in so many painful, but necessary ways and I could not be more thankful for that. As many tears as I've cried these past few days, they have been some of the most incredible days that I've spent in the presence of my Creator. I've realized just how desperate I am for His love. I want to spend every second of my day getting to know Him more fully. I feel like I've wasted so much time filling my life with so many things that are not of Him. I want to live every single minute of my life unrestrained. Unrestrained in that I want to give my life away and that I don't want to keep living my life for myself. I want to live completely free in His love and mercy knowing that He keeps no record of where I've been. I am so desperate to know Him deeper. I am desperate for Him to rid me of my selfishness and to shape me into the person I was made to be. I want to bring Him glory in EVERYTHING that I do. I'm thankful that He keeps drawing my heart closer to His. I'm fighting a big battle right now in my life and I'm thankful that in the midst of it, He doesn't look at me and see the mess of my sin. Lord, I'm completely in awe of the way You've captured my heart in the biggest way yet. I'm so thankful for Your forgiveness and that You continue to make me new everyday. I love you so much, Papa.

"The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace." [Hebrews 6:24-26]

“Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” [Matthew 11:28]

“Come now and let us reason together," says the Lord, "though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.” [Isaiah 1:18]

Tonight I'm thankful for God's redemptive love.

I'm thankful for God's unending love.

I'm thankful for God's unconditional love.

I'm thankful that the Lord is making me new.

I'm thankful that the Lord has washed me white as snow.

I'm thankful that the Lord never gives up on me.

I'm thankful that You continue to call my name even in my weakness.

I'm thankful that You're holding me right this very second.

I'm thankful that You no longer see my brokenness.

I'm thankful for Your power.

I come before You, Lord.

I come before You broken.

I come before You with my hands wide open.

I come before You desperate for your healing touch.

I come before You desperate to know You more.

I come before you completely surrendered to your love.

I'm ready to be set free.

Free from bondage.

Free from constant comparison.

Free from self-hatred.

Free from destructive thoughts.

Free from the lies that control my thoughts.

Free from fear.

Free from judgment.

Free from depression.

Free from living by rules.

I'm ready to live consumed by Your love.

Your selfless love.

Your unconditional love.

Your warm embracing love.

Your patient love.

Your jealous love.

Your gentle love.

Your humbling love.

Your wide open love.

Your all consuming love.

Your beautiful love.

Lord, allow me to spread Your love everywhere I go. Help me to love others with Your love. Protect my thoughts as I go throughout the day with my eyes fixed on you and help me to live in Your freedom.

I need You more than ever, I'm dying without You.

Lord, I'm sorry for living this way for far too long.

I want to look like You, walk like You, talk like You.

I want my life to be that of Yours.

I'm done trying to do this all on my own, so right this second I am wholeheartedly giving this struggle to You.

I declare that I am DONE living in this mess that I've created.

Lord, I'm going to need You to be my strength because without You, I'm only going to grow weak and fail.

Father God, thank You that You love me way too much to leave me like this.

I thank You for Your grace and forgiveness.

Make me new, Lord.

Turn my life into something beautiful, something that looks like You.

Thank You that Your plans are far bigger and more fulfilling than anything I've been trying to do on my own.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:13

How sweet is Your love Lord God.

Not so light and fluffy.

There's only so much fluff in life that you can talk about before words become meaningless. This post is going to be a really honest one, so saddle up because the thoughts on this page are ones that people don't like to talk about often and they will probably make you uncomfortable at some point, but this has been on my heart for awhile and I'm feeling vulnerable right now and that's okay. I'm also pretty sure no one really reads this anyways so whateva.

I'm at a very broken point in my life, I'll admit that. I can't pretend to be okay or try to keep myself together when I'm falling to pieces. I think I'm more frustrated than anything. I feel like a prisoner in my own mind. I'm literally trapped in my own thoughts. From the second I wake up to the second I fall asleep my head is consumed with thoughts of not being good enough. Do you even know how exhausting that is? My life is run by counting calories and numbers on a scale (if you didn't know that before reading this, secret's out I guess). As exhausting as it is, I can't seem to stop. It's taking over my life. How many more excuses can I give to people as to why I've lost weight? Or as to why I'm not eating or eating very little? I think I've used every line in the book and brush it off like it's not big deal.

I'm breaking down. As soon as I make one baby step forward, I take 10 giant leaps backward. I'm exhausted in every sense of the word and I'm tired of fighting. I feel so alone in this. I have no one around me to walk with me through this, to support me, to let me cry on a shoulder at my weakest moments, to embrace me when I feel like falling apart, to be still in silence when there are no words to say, to show me tough love, to rejoice with me in my triumphs, to speak truth into my life, and to help me understand who the Lord created me to be.

Tonight my head is filled with so many lies about myself. I've listened to these destructive thoughts that I don't know how not to believe those lies about myself that they tell me every single day. I absolutely hate my body. I don't even know how to describe how I feel about it. I just feel gross. Some of yall reading this (if there even is anyone reading this) who have seen me lately might be wondering what in the who-ha I'm talking about. To everyone else, I'm thin. I'm the thinnest I've been in years. Some people might say that I'm too thin, but I just think that's because yall haven't seen me this thin. I've worked hard to lose this weight and I still have more to go. I don't feel skinny at all. In fact, the scale tells me everyday that I need to work harder, that I'll never reach my goal, that the number on it is too high.

I'm bound up in fear and this is how I've chosen to deal with that. I fear being inadequate. I fear being rejected. I fear being unlovable. I fear people walking out of my life.

I've never felt a sense of guilt before going to Summer Staff. I feel like I was just beaten over the head with my sin again and again there. It was constantly being thrown in my face. Now I feel guilty and carry that guilt on my shoulders 24/7. I feel guilty that I keep messing up this life the Lord has given me to live for Him.

I don't feel worthy of love. I don't like or love myself. If I can't love myself, why should others, let alone the Lord, choose to love me?

As a Christian, is it okay to be broken? I feel like recently I've been shown that you have to have it all together all the time. There are days when it's hard for me to hold onto the hope we find in the Lord and there are days when I have to pray for the Lord to give me the desire to want more of who He is. That's okay, right?

"See you down there everyday

Trying to find a different way

To build some kind of latter to the sky

Trying to find some way to see

The secrets of eternity and they don't come all at once

And you don't know why

Well how do you think it feels to hear you screaming out My name

While all the while I'm trying to open up your heart

See you when you cry yourself to sleep

It's tearing Me apart

I know you wish you could see Me

That's the way it has to be

Someday you'll understand

Don't you lose your faith in Me

I know you wish you could hear Me

Sometimes it's so hard to do

But every morning the sunrise says

I'm madly in love with you

Yes, I'm madly in love with you

I know that you're waiting for

A chance to come in from the war

If only a moment, if only a day

A place where you feel safe and warm

A sanctuary from the storm

Until all of these questions fade away

But I cannot count on all the signs

You've passed away as mere coincidence

And I'm running out of ways to break through

Like a lonely lover waiting by the ocean

I'll never give up on you

I know you wish you could see Me

That's the way it has to be

Someday you'll understand

Don't you lose your faith in Me

I know you wish you could hear Me

Sometimes it's so hard to do

But every morning the sunrise says

I'm madly in love with you

Yes, I'm madly in love with you"

-Madly In Love With You by Sean McConnell